Universal Nap Care
A guaranteed twelve hours of sleep per day, federally protected. Naps at work are no longer "a problem," they are a benefit.
Est. cost: 1 treatAmeowrican General Election · November 3, 2026
Purrsident of Ameowrica
An orange cat. A blue suit. A red tie. Zero qualifications. Infinite confidence. He has never held office, and he has never once held a grudge — mostly because he forgets everything after a nap.
Solana CA
AJvpZMCv6WpPqfYHnLoe4DyJ7oMEocDNzoAaCRoJjups
- 0Nap hours / day
- 0Boxes held
- 0Laws broken
- 0Birds annoyed
#1 INTHE POLLS*
*The only poll conducted was of himself, and he voted twice.
BREAKING: Candidate naps through entire foreign policy briefing•
Vacuum approval rating hits historic low•
New box purchased for campaign headquarters•
Tuna futures soar as platform leaks early•
Advisors confirm every meeting is a nap with extra steps•
BREAKING: Candidate naps through entire foreign policy briefing•
Vacuum approval rating hits historic low•
New box purchased for campaign headquarters•
Tuna futures soar as platform leaks early•
Advisors confirm every meeting is a nap with extra steps•
The Token
$Purrsident of Ameowrica
Two chains, one cat. $Purrsident is a token on Solana, and the Ameowrican Kittizens are NFTs on Ethereum. Copy the contract address, verify it against the official X account, and then do whatever you like with that information.
Solana CA
AJvpZMCv6WpPqfYHnLoe4DyJ7oMEocDNzoAaCRoJjups
View on Jupiter
The Solana token page — supply, holders and the mint record.
Solana studio.jup.ag →Ameowrican Kittizens
100 NFTs representing what it means to be an Ameowrican.
Ethereum OpenSea →@IloveAmeowrica
The Purrsident on X. Announcements, rally photos, general nonsense.
Social x.com →Verify the address above against @IloveAmeowrica before you do anything — impostor tokens exist. Nothing on this page is financial advice. $Purrsident is a meme with no intrinsic value and no expectation of profit.
Meet the Candidate
A resume written entirely in claw marks
Born in a laundry basket. Raised on wet food and unreasonable expectations.
Purrsident (no last name, no papers, no problem) is a domestic shorthair of orange coloring — a color scientists describe as "one shared brain cell across the entire coat."
He entered public service the day he walked across a keyboard during a video call and accidentally improved productivity by 40%. Since then he has dedicated his life to the three pillars of Ameowrican values: sunbeams, snacks, and uninterrupted sleep.
His opponents say he is unqualified. His supporters say that is the point. He has never sent an email. He has never attended a fundraiser he couldn't sleep through. He is, in his own words, "Mrrrp."
“I do not promise to fix the country. I promise to knock the country's glass of water off the table, stare at it, and leave.” — The Purrsident, at a rally in the kitchen at 3 AM
From the Trail
Campaign photos, all of them staged
Shot by a professional. Lit by a lamp. Approved by the candidate, who was asleep.
More photos available on request. He will not pose for them.
The Platform
Eight promises he cannot legally keep
A bold vision for Ameowrica. Mostly bold because he sat on the draft.
Tuna Subsidies
An open can in every pantry. Price controls on the fancy stuff. Salmon is a right, not a privilege.
Est. cost: 2 treatsBox Security Act
One cardboard box per household, minimum. If it fits, it ships. If it doesn't fit, that has never stopped anyone.
Est. cost: 1 boxLaser Pointer Transparency
No more mystery dots. Full disclosure of who is holding the pointer, and why it keeps disappearing under the couch.
Est. cost: 1 batteryVacuum Containment
The Vacuum shall remain locked in the closet between the hours of 2 PM and 4 AM. Violations are met with a sideways run.
Est. cost: 0 (we hide it)Free Sunbeams Act
Every window sill is a public utility. Access shall not be denied on the basis of who got there first.
Est. cost: sunlightBelly Rubs, Consent First
Three rubs permitted. The fourth is a trap and the public deserves to be warned in advance.
Est. cost: 1 handBird Watching Rights
Window-based recreation protected by law. Yelling at the squirrel remains fully legal and encouraged.
Est. cost: chirps*All policies subject to change if a crinkly sound is heard in the next room.
The Polls
Numbers he demanded we publish
Conducted by the Institute for Extremely Real Polling. Margin of error: one hairball.
The Purrsident 🐈0%
Buster, a Golden Retriever 🐕0%
The Vacuum 🧹0%
Undecided Human 👤0%
Polls refresh every time he sits on a different piece of paper.
Endorsements
People are talking. Mostly meowing.
“I have known him for nine years and he has listened to me exactly zero times. That is leadership.”
“He promised to leave our nuts alone. We have seen no evidence of this. We endorse him anyway.”
“He sat on my laptop and deleted a 400-page tax filing. He has my vote forever.”
“A red tie on a blue suit is an unhinged combination. I respect the chaos.”
“I bought a two-hundred-dollar cat tower. He sits in the box it came in. I would vote for him again.”
“No comment.”
A Message from the Campaign
“I have seen the future. It is a warm windowsill, and it is yours.”— The Purrsident Join the Movement
Rally Schedule
Come see him not show up
All events subject to cancellation if he finds a warm spot.
-
Rally on the Kitchen Counter
7:00 PM · Between the toaster and the fruit bowl
Doors open, he walks away -
The Great Box Summit
3:00 PM · A cardboard box, living room
Keynote delivered asleep -
Debate vs. The Vacuum
9:00 PM · Hallway, near the closet
He loses, loudly -
Election Night Watch Party
All night · Under the bed
He will not be watching
Campaign Store
Merchandise with genuine historical irrelevance
“Mrrrp” Campaign Tee
$24 $80
Tiny Blue Suit Cap
$19 $60
Replica Red Tie (chewable)
$15 $45
“Knock It Off The Table” Mug
$12 $30
Shipping is free. Packages will be sat in. 🐾
Fund the Campaign
Every treat goes toward absolutely nothing
This is not a real donation. No payment is taken and no money changes hands — these buttons are a joke. The real token is $Purrsident, up at the top.
The Kibble
$5
- One (1) silent stare
- A single slow blink
- Nothing else
The Wet Food
$25
- Loud screaming at 4 AM
- Judgment of your choices
- A hairball, gift-wrapped
The Salmon
$100
- Candidacy in your lap
- Belly trap (see platform)
- He will deny it happened
Join the Movement
Get yelled at by email
Sign up for campaign updates, rally reminders, and unhinged 3 AM announcements about absolutely nothing.
- Weekly "Mrrrp" newsletter
- First access to boxes
- No promises kept, ever